Loisa Jane

While you're in Bacolod, let me take this time to send this message din and give you some time to think about it.

I know fresh pa lahat.

And I know na it's probably crazy hearing this from me, especially after what happened just a few days ago. Parang baka iniisip mo, “Gago neto. Sinaktan ako, pinaiyak ako, nag-goodbye, tapos eto na naman siya.”

And honestly, I wouldn't blame you if that's what you're thinking. HAHAHA.

I know how confusing that probably is on your end. Ako yung nagsabi na aalis, ako yung nag-goodbye, tapos after ilang araw ako rin tong bumabalik with another long-ass message. 😭

Hindi ko pinaglalaruan yung emotions mo. Hindi rin ako bumabalik because suddenly I changed my mind and gusto kong habulin mo ako or may gusto akong makuha from you.

Actually, that's the last thing I want.

So I'm not asking you for a second chance.

I'm asking for forgiveness, Loisa.

And if possible someday, a chance to earn your trust again.

Sorry doesn't magically undo what happened. So let me earn it.

Let me say sorry a thousand times if I have to and do what I can to prove to you na genuine yung paghingi ko ng forgiveness. I will kneel or do whatever it takes.

Christmas is around the corner diba? HAHAHA. But I won't wait for Christmas.

I'll start today.

You don't even have to talk to me right away. Feel free to restrict me para wala ako sa notifications mo.

Take your time.

I'm only asking for a small part of your life. Let me be there for you again when times are tough.

Mawala na tong lecheng feelings na 'to, but I don't think I can afford to just stand here knowing na times are tough for you and pretend I don't care.

Oo, alam ko. Sasabihin mong kakayanin mo. And I know you will.

If your friends are not around, Pau is not around, your family is not around, or whoever you usually run to isn't around...

I'm also here.

I don't need to be the first person you go to. Sige kahit pang-10000000 ako HAHAHA.

I just want you to know na I'm still someone you can go to.

I'm not knocking on your door again as someone who has feelings for you and wants to pursue you.

I'm knocking as someone who wants to fix what I broke. Someone who wants to ask for your forgiveness. Someone who wants to earn your trust again.

Not to change your mind. Not to ask you to choose me. Just to make things right.

Sa sobrang bigat ng lahat lately, life, pressure, knowing na limited time na lang si J, and yung lola ko na nasa ibang lugar pero sobrang close kami, I ended up doing something I don't normally do.

I opened up to Lola Fely.

For the first time in my life, I actually opened up to her about everything.

Like wow. Cried in front of her like a baby. Taena HAHAHAHAHA.

Eventually, na-open ko rin sa kanya tong nagawa ko sa'yo.

She told me na if I did someone wrong, then I have to earn their forgiveness and trust once again.

If that person matters to you, you do what you can to make things right.

I know may nanliligaw sa'yo, but hey, hindi yun yung point ko dito.

You're free to like someone. You're free to fall in love with someone. You're free to choose whoever makes you happy.

I'm not here to interfere with that.

Feelings ko? Tsss. That's not important right now.

Nasaktan kita. Nawala yung friendship natin dahil doon. And I'm here because I want to try rebuilding it. Slowly. Properly.

Joke HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Pag-isipan mo nga eh. 😭 HAHAHAHAHAHA.

And please, don't decide today kung hindi ka makatiis HAHAHA. Take your time. Seriously.

I'm the one who caused you pain, so let me try healing it a bit.

Trust broken? Let me try building a new one.

I won't try to rebuild the old one. But I can try building something new. Something better. :)

Papahirapan mo pa? Sige lang. Go for it.

Yung goal mo is pasukuin ako? I accept the challenge. HAHAHAHAHA.

I'm not asking for everyday replies like before.

Mag-reply ka lang kapag feel mo. No pressure.

And if that means starting from zero, then sige. Start tayo sa zero. :)

-9999 start HAHAHA

I won't hold it against you. I won't force you. And I won't make you feel guilty for choosing not to.

If you need distance, I'll respect that too.

Pero kung i-block mo ko... Then I have no choice.

Oldest messenger things invented. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Email. Mailbox. Door-to-door. Kalapati. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Okay, okay. 😂 But you get my point. I'm serious about wanting to make this right. Dead serious.

Take your time. Have fun. Think about this kapag nakauwi ka na, kapag tahimik na utak mo, or whenever you're ready.

I'm sorry, Loisa. Genuinely.

For hurting you, for confusing you, and for letting my feelings cost us something that mattered to me more than I realized.

I can't undo what I did. But if you'll allow me, I'd like the chance to do better from here.

Mag-ingat ha? May Ventosa and Bowling and Sam G ka pa pagbalik mo.

And thank you for reading this ridiculously long message.

Sorry na rin sa thumb mo kaka-swipe. HAHAHAHAHA.

I can explain why I reacted the way I did. But explaining it doesn't make what happened okay.

I can own both the reason and the consequence.

An excuse would ask you to overlook the hurt because I had reasons. I don't want to do that.